Dave Carnie interview


Spørg en hvilken som helst skater over 30 om han kan huske Big Brother magazine. Jeg garanterer dig at vedkommende vil ryge ud i en tårepersende tirade om at det var det bedste blad nogensinde og jeg skal komme efter dig.

Jeg er hverken værre eller bedre selv, nok en del værre i virkeligheden. Hold kæft hvor var det sjovt lavet. Dave Carnie var som redaktør fra 1891 til 1904 indbegrebet af denne genialitet. For nyligt har han udgivet sine samlede skriverier i bogform og var flink til at svare på et par spørgsmål. Bogen hedder boob og kan købes i Street Machine formedlest 250 kroner. Det er godt givet ud.

The first thing that struck me about the book was that most of the interviews were excerpts. For a book running 700 pages that seemed strange. What were your considerations?

Your mom’s armpits are strange. For one it was kind of a matter of space. I wanted a big book (because I have a small penis), but I didn’t want The Oxford English Dictionary, so something had to go. I decided on the interviews because they’re not really “writing” are they? This is a book of MY writing. ME! ME! ME! But I left a few of the more memorable ones in like the one with Andy Roy and the Slayer at Disneyland stuff. I like doing interviews, but I don’t really consider them that interesting or that enduring. I’ve always liked the ones Nieratko did better. Perhaps we’ll put out a book of just big brother interviews?

What is your own favorite piece?

I have a lot of favorite pieces in the book, hard to pick one, but I will say that I always really liked the writing in our stupid columns like the letters, cd reviews, and product reviews. Not answering the letters, and not reviewing the products, that joke never got old to me. I’m a simple person, I know. It’s kind of like farting in that way. It doesn’t take much.


Party Favor #7 fra Big Brother 34: ”Shave off one eyebrow: Akin to the mob's practice of handcuffing an enemy to a time bomb and leaving him with only a knife and a vicious choice, the halving of the brow similarly forces your victim to make a difficult decision; either leave it and fly one brow while the other grows back (looks very odd, plus he acquires a lopsided look, which he'll never recover from) or shave the other off and start anew, á la the Terminator.”

Probably my favorite thing is the "only shave one eyebrow" pointer. I feel as if this is wisdom I will carry with me always.

I haven’t seen the SAW movies, but isn’t that kind of the premise in the first one: some dude has to make a choice between blowing up or sawing off his leg? It’s a no win situation: you either have to shave off the remaining eyebrow, or rock the one eyebrow until the other grows back. Fortunately I’ve never been in that situation and I’ve never even wondered which option I’d choose should I find myself on the receiving end of this predicament. I think I’d shave the other off and go Terminator. Or Jeff Grosso, if you will. Then again, it might be funny to wear one fake eyebrow. Or to wear a fake mustache where your eyebrow used to be. That could be the next great fashion trend. Similar to when kids would roll up one pant leg. My next self portrait is going to be with a mustache for an eyebrow. What if your eyelashes were little beards?


Post Big Brother I have been somewhat surprised of you and Nieratkos continuing involvement with skateboarding, maybe more surprised at Chris, but anyway. Then i saw your air at Ramona. Had you been practicing specifically to boost your streetcred and remain somewhat relevant in skateboarding?

Everything I do is to stay somewhat relevant in skateboarding and hope that kids like me. I wake up every morning thinking, “Dave, how are you going to remain somewhat relevant in skateboarding today?” I even put on weight to make sure that I would remain somewhat relevant in skateboarding. I read a study somewhere that found that older, slightly overweight men are more respected by younger skateboarders than older, skinny men. So I got that going for me. Which is nice.

I know you met Nicky Guerrero in California before. He told me a story of introducing you to his grandmother. Do you recall this? Where would you rank Nicky among the 40+ vertskaters?

By the way, do you guys have sarcasm in Denmark? The English are quite fond of it, so I’m guessing you’re at least familiar with it. Although you’ve had a few skirmishes with them I’ve heard, so I’m guessing you probably don’t care for anything English? And I’m not trying to be a cheeky bastard… I am speaking very British, though, for some reason?… anyway… DEAD LAST! That’s where I’d rank Nicky Guerrero. And his grandmother is a total loser.



Can you make a living from your various writing engagements or do you have a real job somewhere? Were you involved with the latest bout of jackass? Alreadybeendone.com is one of the more exciting sites happening. What other projects are you working on?

I do not make a living off of writing. Or anything for that matter. I’m dying. I am not involved with Jackass, but they did buy “the poocano” concept off of me for the movie. I had done that in Big Brother in the late 90s (it’s in the book as well) and they wanted to see it in 3D. I can’t blame ‘em, it looked way better than the 2D version we filmed back then. I primarily work for King Shit Magazine (kingshitmag.com), but we’ve teamed up with ABD because we like what Josh (Friedberg) is doing and I’m hoping that it will help me remain somewhat relevant in skateboarding. Projects: I am working on a book, and I just pickled an onion with some Serrano peppers.

Whatever happened to Tas? any idea if he still skates. why did you consider him for the Hated and Misunderstood issue?

I have no idea what happened to Tas. I think he still skates sometimes in those vert contests? Last time I saw him he was riding this really weird plastic board. Was he in the kook issue? That’s what it was really called, but we learned pretty quickly that no one wanted to be in “the kook issue,” so we changed it to “hated and misunderstood.” Which somehow made people feel better. “No, you’re not weird, people just don’t get you, man….” And Tas was definitely misunderstood. And hated. He had quite a mouth. I remember an outburst at some vert contest where Tony Hawk beat him and he made sure to let everyone know how he felt about that.

Three Andy Roy interviews in a row was amazing too. From "I'll never steal" to "I got thieving scars". Is Whalecock still going? Could he get a guest board?

Yeah Andy’s rad. A friend went and visited him recently up north. He’s living in Santa Cruz I think? He’s good. He’s clean. I think he’s married and has a kid? He’s been hanging out with Jason Jessee who’s also doing good I understand. I know Andy’s been skating a lot too. I think he’s trying to get on Anti Hero again. Kind of like the Grosso deal, legend status. I would definitely put him on Whalecock if it was still going. Well, Whalecock will always be going, but at the moment it’s trolling the depths of the ocean. It will surely breech the surface again someday. The cock has to come up for air. The cock has to breathe.

Did you go see Eyehategod on the reunion tour? Can a band get off heroin and do a good album?

I didn’t even know they did a reunion tour? I don’t listen to that crap anymore. I grew up. No, I actually just heard my favorite eyehategod song the other day. The ipod was on shuffle and it came on. But yeah that was part of the allure of that band was how fucked up they were. Take the drugs out of the equation and it’s kind of like a skateboard with no wheels.

16 finally got some credit with the relapse signing. how big was your role?

I was very happy to see 16 get on relapse. We were talking for a little bit about having me shoot their band photos, but that didn’t happen. I’ve actually done speed with both eyehategod and 16, now that I think about it. That was my role. I did some drugs next to them once.

With the food thing (foodondrunk.blogspot.com) you may have heard about Denmark and this Nordic kitchen phenomenon? Does it sound interesting to you or is it too far removed from actually eating a lot of meat and getting drunk doing it?

I have not heard of this Nordic kitchen phenomenon, but it sounds very interesting. I do occasionally record a cooking program on public television here that is about Nordic cooking. So maybe I have heard of it? I didn’t realize it was a movement or anything, I just thought it was some dude sharing Nordic cooking with me. I don’t even really care about what he makes, it looks delicious, but it’s the dude I like watching. He’s really weird. English is obviously his second language, but he has a good grasp of it and he speaks it quite well. What’s really weird about the way he talks, though, is the timing. I can’t quite put my finger on it, frankly. But I’ve often thought that it has something to do with the amount of time he leaves between words. It’s not too long, but it’s longer than normal. It’s almost like he’s speaking in jazz time, like 4/3. Oh, I found him: Andreas Viestad. Perhaps you know him? Queer little fellow. But he makes good food. And I like his portable kitchen. I actually checked the IKEA website to see if they sold them. Do the meatballs at IKEA count as part of the “Nordic Kitchen Phenomenon?” They’re surprisingly good. Oh, calling the movement the NKP, makes it sound dimly threatening, almost Russian. Anyway, sorry for the IKEA references. That was very cheap and American of me. I like it. The NKP that is. I thought it was about eating a shitload of meat and getting drunk while doing it? Oh is rotten Viking shark part of the NKP? I’m fascinated by rotten Viking shark. That’s on my list of fake band names, by the way: Rotten Viking Shark.

Have you ever been in a nonimaginery band?

Yes I played in a band in college. It was first called Snatch Ranch, then Stool. We sucked. We wanted to sound like Jesus Lizard and the Melvins. I think we sounded like crap. But people liked us. But our lead guitar player (I was second guitar and—surprise—vocals) was the reason I never played in a band again. He was a MUSICIAN. The rest of us just used the band as another excuse to get drunk, but that dude was really into jazz and, at the time, and the Melvins album Ozma had just come out. I think Buzz described it once as “a bunch of math problems.” We all got kind of fed up with this MUSICIAN fella and his math problems. And I’ve kind of hated musicians ever since. That dude also destroyed any interest I might have had in jazz as well. We all lived together. And the MUSICIAN would play the craziest jazz, like Coltrane and shit, at Slayer volume. I came to hate jazz because of that asshole. I do still play music and record in a home studio. Sometimes when I’m really, really, really drunk I decide to play it for my friends. Which is always a bad idea. “LITHEN… HEYYYY! LITHEN TO MY MUTHIC! I MADE THIS SONG, LITHEN TO THIS SONG I WROTE!” Such an idiot.